Being pregnant when you already have a child feels different. You know you have a little life inside of you, but you already have a big life that was inside of you, and is now outside... demanding your love, affection, attention, and well, everything. It doesn't diminish the specialness of the pregnancy, it just feels different. You know what is coming, the growing belly, the kicks, the peeing, the waddle. And you know what is coming after, the newborn, the sleeplessness, the giggles, the joy. It's like everything you felt in terms of newness with the first, is replaced with an awe and wonder (and a little fear) of what it might be like with the next one coming. At least that's how it felt for me.
From July until I could feel the first kicks, I was mostly nervous. Then from the first flutters until the real kicks, it was less nervous and more wow, this is happening! I definitely got bigger in the belly faster than I did with Clara, but it didn't really impede my ability to be with Clara until the last two months or so. I was most often reminded of Audrey's presence in the early morning, mid-day, and late night kicks. Basically, the times I was able to stop and feel the little life inside me was when I wasn't taking care of and playing with Clara.
The last few weeks felt like it went by slowly, the waiting is always hard! I wanted her to make it to 36 weeks, preferably 37 weeks, but after that I was ready for her to come! At 36 weeks, we had an ultrasound to see how big she was to see if a VBAC would be a good option. She was estimated to be 6 pounds 12 ounces at 36 weeks. [My good friend's sister in law had a baby right around then at 40 weeks that was 6 pounds 5 ounces... I definitely internally lamented my fate as a big baby carrier :P.]
As I grew closer and closer to our scheduled c-section date, I became more and more eager to at least be able to try for a VBAC. Like I wrote in Audrey's birth story, I really wanted to be able to pick Clara up after having Audrey and was hoping for a smoother postpartum recovery. Holding Clara close and snuggling before nap time and just being available to her was (and is) so important to me. I had also read that babies benefit from going through labor, even if it ends up in a c-section. Something about the hormones they receive and the squeezing through the contractions helps jump start their system... or something.
Either way, I was thrilled when I started feeling some of the tell tale labor signs that I never felt with Clara. With Clara, I made a 3.5 mile hike through streams and over rocks to a waterfall at 39 weeks. This time, with Audrey, I could barely walk 1 mile on our flat neighborhood sidewalk without going slow and feeling tired! From 38 to 39 weeks, I saw my belly drop! I started feeling some pressure and some strong Braxton Hicks that hurt (those never hurt with Clara). And I was having so much trouble sleeping because I had to pee all the time (also didn't really happen with Clara)!
Pregnancy went fast this time around. Being distracted with Clara helped I think. And towards the end, I was soaking up every moment with my precious jie jie baby. I couldn't wait to have Audrey here, but I also treasured the specialness of having Clara and only Clara for just a little bit longer.
I'm so thankful that Clara is an amazing big sister. She loves little Audrey, gives her kisses all the time, and doesn't mind when she cries. We hope that they become close friends over their lifetimes and that they both know that they are always so so loved.
Little Audrey's first picture!
Just a little gummy bear.
At this appointment, the ultrasound tech actually told me that she thought it was a boy! I think I was 12 weeks along or something, too early to definitively tell, but later she was proved wrong!
Now it looks like a baby!
One tiny foot...
and one tiny hand.
Look it's a girl!
Nose and lips!
The top picture of the two below is actually Clara at 20 weeks, and the bottom is Audrey at 19 weeks!
Around 37 weeks, I asked Shane to take some maternity pictures for me. We took a very short nature walk nearby our house since by this time, I was feeling very waddly and tired easily.
Here are some of the shots:
That's a big belly!
This one is my favorite.
It's amazing to think a whole baby fit inside this belly!
Me fiddling with Audrey's pendant.
And a close up.
Of course, I needed some big sister pictures too!
Love the look of joy on her face!
Giving hugs to mei mei baby!
Kisses for Clara!
To my girls full of joy and kindness, mommy loves you both so much.
No comments:
Post a Comment