Xinyi turned one month today! Since I just posted on her four weeks, I'll focus on something different for this post.
But first, another picture of baby girl!
During this last month, I participated in a modified version of the taiwanese/chinese tradition of Zuo yuezi” (坐月子), meaning sitting or doing the month. The taiwanese/chinese concept, from what I understand, is that new mothers are very fragile post partum and the most important thing to do in the first 30 days is to recover physically and bond with the baby. To do that, my mom came to help take care of the baby so I could sleep, cook traditional food that would both help me recover and help with nursing, and clean the house and do laundry so I wouldn't have to, all as part of zuo yuezi.
Traditionally, as the new mother, you are not supposed to shower or eat "cold" foods or go outside for 30 days and a bunch of other things. This is to prevent arthritis and cold joints and getting sick, so the custom says. Your only responsibilities are to nurse the baby and sleep. You can find a short article on the practice here: http://www.pasadenastarnews.com/health/20140114/traditional-chinese-care-for-new-moms-known-as-month-of-confinement
My zuo yuezi experience, as I mentioned, was a modified version. I definitely showered and went outside, but I also spent the majority of my time nursing the baby and sleeping. In an amazing show of love and sacrifice, my mom really did help take care of the baby, cook, clean and help me recover for this whole month. And I had even more help from Shane every night and from Shane's amazing mom who came up a few weekends to help with a few more night times! I honestly don't know how new moms do it without help. And moms of more than one child, how do you do it all? To all the mommas out there, you are incredible, no matter what amount of help you did or didn't have. Newborns are hard to take care of! Their needs are simple, but at least with Xinyi, she makes those needs known quickly and loudly and doesn't let up until she is happy. Her pediatrician joked with us that she won't go hungry because she has a great set of lungs!
As I mentioned in another post, I really thought I would know how to do this, be a mother to our newborn. Turns out I didn't know quite how to do this, and I had a lot to learn. Thankfully, I've learned a lot from my mom this last month. When my mom first offered to help after the baby arrived, I gladly accepted because I've always heard take all the help you can get! I didn't think I'd need a whole month's worth of help, but I just figured we would take it week by week and if at some point Shane and I had it down, we would take over without help. It has now been a month, and I dread not having my mom around anymore. I've also learned a lot from Shane. He's much more level headed than I am, and keeps reminding me that babies are babies, they learn things and forget things, they cry a lot, and you just have to be patient with them even if they keep crying when you think you've satisfied all their needs. I'm glad I get to keep him around :).
I originally thought the concept of zuo yuezi was meant mainly as a way to help with the physical recovery aspect of being a new mother. I realize now that it's so much more than that. It is the passing on of tradition, helps to teach the new mom how to care for a newborn, and it allows for a slower and much less overwhelming on ramp to new motherhood. My mom told me that for both my brother and myself, she also had help from her mother and mother in law for our first months of life. With my brother, she had her mother and my mother in law's help. When I was born, her in laws (my paternal grandparents) even took care of my brother for a few weeks she could just focus on caring for me with the help of her mother without worrying about a rambunctious 3.5 year old! My mom told me that it feels like a rite of passage to participate in zuo yuezi, her "grandmother's duty" and my dad told me it's just what taiwanese/chinese moms do for their daughters. For me it's been a huge help to learn both how to care for Xinyi and how to be a new mom. It's also been very special to hear stories of when my brother and I were babies and how my mom took care of us. This month has given me a really unique window into my culture and my past and has made me so thankful for all mothers, especially my own. I am also thankful for my dad, who has been without his wife for the last month! And thankful for Shane's family who have visited and helped at every opportunity. And always thankful for Shane, who constantly sacrifices and loves us girls.
Baby girl, you are so ridiculously loved :). Happy one month!
